Two idiots

[Andrew G]

Cycling over London Bridge this morning and a bus cut in on the bloke in front of me just missing him with the back of his bus, deliberately or unintentionally stupid who knows. The bus pulled in at a stop a bit later and the cyclist swung a fist at the bus mirror cracking it so the driver has no chance of seeing anymore cyclists in it even if he looked. He also knocked himself off balance so that he swerved violently across in front of me nearly taking himself out, and would also have taken me out if I hadn't eased back as his body language was screaming vengeance. Pulled up at the lights and was quite happy to see blood pouring off his hand.

[Snoop Doug]

sorry to hear your story. kinda backs up the earlier debate about stoopid road user groups.

Sadly though, I read two idiots and clicked - thinking, wahey, this is the start of a good joke. Can you tell us a joke to make up for my disappointment please. I mean, you don't want to make me angry do you....

[Phil H]

Be careful what you wish for Snoop.

There was this guy who was obsessed by tractors. He had a John Deere duvet cover, Massey Ferguson boxer shorts - everything tractor themed. However, he was concerned about his social life - or lack of it. One day, he was bemoaning his fate to one of his few remaining friends and his friend turned round and said "You know why it is that people wont speak to you? It's because you wont stop banging on about tractors. And frankly it's very boring".

So, anyway, the guy decides he's going to turn over a new leaf. Out go the posters of 3 point hitches, the Massey Ferguson underwear, everything. After a few weeks, his luck does begin to change and finalyl he gets up the courage to ask a girl out. So they're sitting there in a pub and she says to him that she'd like to go home. "I'm sorry - is it me? Am I boring you?" , "No, it's not that" she says "it's that the atmosphere in here is horrible and smoky and humid". "Hang on" he says and takes a deep breath and sucks all of the bad air out of the room. "How did you do that?" the girl asks. "It's easy, I'm an ex tractor-fan".

I'll get my coat.

[Snoop Doug]

excellent

[CaroleH]

Brilliant!!!!

[Marcus]

There's an engineer who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one £5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the engineer, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the engineer saying, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the £5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the £5000 to the engineer and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The engineer thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. He considers and evaluates their actions both scientifically and technically and eventually decides to marry the one with the biggest tits.

[Marcus]

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges".
That's why we have the camel." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges", so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own "urges".
Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?",
No . not really, sir...They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.