Huw's big winter Blog 6 - Cycling jargon

[huw williams]

Why do people join clubs? Easy. It’s a way of mixing with like-minded souls who share a common interest and separating yourself from the mainstream. It’s a way of saying “Look at me I’m over here with these guys and you’re not.”

This attitude however can backfire. Groucho Marx once stated that he’d never join any club that would have him as a member. Presumably he’d recognised some awful character trait in himself and wished not to mix with other people of the same affliction. Time trialers probably feel the same way.

One of the great things about being part of the cycling ‘club’ is the virtual reality universe that it creates. It offers the chance to completely slip out of your real life and into your cycling life. We’ve got our own uniform, our own code of behaviour, covert meeting times and places and best of all our own language. You probably don’t even realise you’re speaking it but its true. As an example let’s look at a couple of sample conversations from the cycling world beginning with time trialers (again).

“How’d you get on?”
“Short 24”
“PB?”
“By 2 seconds”
“Where?”
“G10/42”

See what I mean? Fella in the butchers overhearing that conversation isn’t gonna have a clue what’s going on.

Now how about this after a road race?
“How’d you get on?”
“Finished in the bunch”
“Anybody away?”
“Small break with 10 to go. An organised through-and-off chased it down but a couple of 2nd cats jumped off the front, did bit and bit and stayed away.”

Brilliant. To the man in the street you may as well be speaking Aramaiac.
Better still is the jargon in cycling. We don’t have cars to come and help knackered riders back to the finish, we have ‘Broom wagons.’ When we can’t keep up with a group we’re “off the back.” We don’t ‘take turns’ setting the pace we do “through and off.” We don’t ride close behind someone, we “wheel-suck.” There isn’t a car coming toward us there’s “oil in the road.”

There are more esoteric examples which you’re probably not so familiar with and the dialect completely changes in different areas of the UK. I’ve made a study of this over the past couple of years travelling around doing sportives and can now claim to be fluent in cycling slang. The following conversation therefore holds no secrets from me.

“Did you race this morning?”
“I had to overcome serious bed-suck but I did get out. The first two hours was just budgie-tapping… complete Freddies on the sofa eating off the salad plate. Then a load of cavemen came through so we were sucking diesel on the invisible hill. We lost the remote… there were rented mules everywhere, a right hammerfest. Some Bunter with a 4th cat tattoo and carrot-choppers did an Abdu in the sprint for the sign but I had February legs and missed the crash. Finished way back with the fridge magnets.”

A rough translation of which is:

Bed-suck – The way your bed sucks at you in the morning and prevents you from getting up to ride your bike

Budgie-tapping – riding slowly

Freddies – novice riders

Salad plate – The small chain ring (as opposed to dinner plate or meat plate – the big chain ring)

Cavemen – hard, fast riders

Sucking Diesel – trying desperately to hang on to hard, fast riders

Invisible Hill – headwind

Losing the remote – when riders split up into ragged groups and look round at each other unable to decide what to do (like losing your TV remote)

Rented Mules – beaten riders, as in ‘beaten like a rented mule.’

Hammerfest – every rider simply going as hard as they possibly can with little regard for tactics

Bunter –strong rider of large proportions (see Ian Munnery, Steve Cave)

4th cat tattoo – Oily Chain ring mark on your leg, not cool, only inexperienced riders and 4th cats have them.

Carrot-choppers – Spinergy wheels

Doing an Abdu – crashing in the sprint

February legs – an excuse for not being able to sprint, suggesting that as in February you haven’t started doing interval/sprint training.

Fridge magnets – people who always ride ‘in the bunch’ (see also wheel suckers).

[Toks]

cool, i love it

[huw williams]

Just make sure you don't do any Abdu's for the new team next season

[Andrew G]

Great stuff Huw, just don't get caught talking about "bonking with your club mates" in M&S.

Salad plate and dinner plate, I guess that makes the 62 on the tandem the serving plate.

[sid_day]

French cycling food jargon:

Pâtes is good Patés are a bit rich.