Steel Frames are back - Official

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

Are you riding an aluminum, beryllium, carbon fibre, magnesium or titanium frame?
Bad news, it's obsolete!
Steel is back, thanks to the new technological breakthrough:
Sheldon Brown's Geomagnetic Booster! ®
Using high-tech state-of-the-art niobium-samarium-cobalt magnets, in conjunction with your existing steel frame, Sheldon Brown's Geomagnetic Booster will, at the touch of a button, magnetize your frame, by the modern miracle of electromagnetic induction.
When you are heading in a northerly direction, a momentary push of the "N" button will cause your frame to be magnetized so that the front of the frame will be attracted toward the North Magnetic Pole, and the rear of the frame will be pushed away from the South Magnetic pole. As long as you cycle in a northerly direction, you get a constant boost from the Earth's magnetic field! It's like an automatic tailwind!

When your travels take you in a southerly direction, press the "S" button, and a brief stream of electrons will be sent hurtling through the induction coil in the opposite direction, magnetizing the frame in the opposite polarity, so that it will be inexorably drawn in the direction of the Antarctic landmass!

Unfortunately, the current state of this technology does not provide any boost if you're heading east or west...but our scientists and alchemists are working hard on this problem, and we hope for a breakthrough in the near future!


How it works:
An induction coil is wound around the top tube of the frame (or the down tube, for ladys' bikes) and connected to the digital controller buttons on the handlebars. (The buttons may be operated with any digit you find convenient.) A momentary touch of the button is all that is required, the electrons race along and around the coil, imparting a "permanent" magnetic field to your frame.
The "Ultra" version doesn't merely rely on the magnetism of the frame itself, but involves filling the top tube with rare-earth magnetic material, to markedly increase the magnetic boost effect, while only adding a couple of pounds to the weight of the frame.


Warnings:

Use only under a doctor's supervision.
Not to be used by or near users of heart pacemakers!
Do not operate while in areas where blasting is in progress!

[Jon H]

So that explains Richard's fast times on the F1 course

[Sylv]

So, assuming you are at the South Pole and riding towards North Pole, you press "N" and what does it do - plant your wheels into the ground leaving you unable to move? More of a hinderance like!