One for Finbars everywhere

[Jon H]

30 years of Viz, an exhibition of original artwork.

30 Years of Viz celebrates the art, irreverence and brilliant bad taste of Viz Comic. The exhibition of over 80 original drawings features all the key characters, many of whom have become ‘icons’ in their own right: Roger Mellie The Man on the Telly, Sid the Sexist, The Bottom Inspectors, The Fat Slags, Finbarr Saunders and his Double Entendres, Johnny Fartpants, Spoilt Bastard, Suicidal Syd, Mrs Brady Old Lady and The Modern Parents.

4th Nov to 24th Jan

http://www.cartoonmuseum.org/

[Andrew G]

Viz letters & Tips!! (I've cut some which may have been a bit too rude for some.

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VIZ LETTERS PAGE

I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail loose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery.

L Palmer, London

Why is it that Channel 4's Big Brother are allowed to install loads of cameras in a house and watch the residents' every move. But when I put one tiny camera in my neighbour's bathroom I get bound over for 12 months. There's no justice.

Simon Eldritch

Ronseal 5 Year Woodstain does exactly what it says on the tin, does it? Funny that. I've looked all over the label and nowhere does it say 'Makes your front door look like an African elephant has wiped its ar*e on it.'

Steve Edwards, Welshpool

Last week I attended an AA meeting, and to my horror, each person present stood up and openly admitted to being an alcoholic. I'm not having these boastful drunkards repairing my car. I can only hope the RAC have more responsible employees.

Hugie Dixon, West Drayton

'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

Colin Hill

The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods?

John Campbell

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.

Chris Scaife, Jesmond

VIZ MAGAZINE TOP TIPS...

1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The
blockage is almost instantly removed.

2. Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a
stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass
to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

4. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and
nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

5. Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and
slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

6. Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

7. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.

8. Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no
doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them
about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

[Roy Green]

More Tips

9. Do you feel less intelligent than people who wear spectacles? Take a dessert spoon and warm the handle until it's almost too hot for the skin. Rub it firmly on the bridge of your nose. That will give all the four-eyes you meet something to think about.

10. Do cold calling salemen at your door annoy you? Keep an old Teeshirt and a jug of finely chopped carrots by your door. When you spot them coming up your path, quickly pull on the T, pour the carrots down your front, and open the door wearing a sorry expression.