Things have come to a head and his wife has said she’s leaving and taking the cat (probably in fear of him eating it) unless he gets a ‘beach body’ by the time they go on a cycling holiday in June. Why you need a ‘beach body’ to go cycling is beyond me, surely a cycling body would be better? Anyway… Prepared to play her part in all this she gave him a Tesco’s re-usable shopping sack and a £10 note and said “buy a load of fruit at the market with that, and eat nothing else for the next few days†and made him promise not to spend any of it on pies or alcohol.
Now, you can buy a lot of fruit at Surrey Street market for a tenner, so he was looking at carrying about 150lbs of Ascorbicy goodness on his back, on the train home to Haywards Heath.
“Losing weight can’t be worth that much hassle,†he suggested.
The solution, to me, seemed obvious. “Eat the tenner,†I said, “you’ll loose more weight than if you eat the fruit, you won’t have to carry it home on the train and it won’t cost you any more. Everyone’s happy!â€
The last I saw of him he was heading towards the staff canteen with a copy of Men’s Health magazine, a £10 note and a pot of Coleman’s mustard.
I reckon I'm onto something here. You know how much celebs pay for fad diets, well forget it - just eat sufficient money that you don't have anything left to spend on food
