Does size matter?

[huw williams]

I’ve recently been doing a lot of research into power to weight ratios. This is a fairly transparent area where the underlying premise is quite simple to grasp; If Rider A weighs 140lbs and produces ‘x’ amount of power he’ll be faster than rider B who weighs 165 lbs even if rider B produces the same power. This of course depends on all other things being equal. If for example rider A is carrying 30lbs of groceries home from Tesco in his panniers, rider B would trounce him (although rider A would have a better dinner so it’s debateable which rider would be the happier.)

So, weight unquestionably affects performance. This got me to thinking about how body shape affects performance and so many other things in life. Take height for example. Have you noticed how all short people are depressed? That’s ‘depressed’ as in feeling low, not ‘compressed’ as in squashed smaller, which we've all noticed but are too polite to say anything. No, short people are always depressed and I think I’ve discovered why.

They don’t get as much sunlight as tall people. Tall people can see further round the curvature of the earth from their elevated position, which means that when the sun goes down, they can see it for longer than short people. And when it comes up again they get to see it first. It’s not much I know, maybe only a few microseconds every morning and evening, but add up all those microseconds, every day for your whole life and boy, that’s a whole bunch of extra sunlight that short guys are missing out on. And as we know sunlight is a major contributor to happiness. Which in my opinion is why there are more stand up comedians in the Gobi Desert than there are in Liverpool.

Just think how happy you’d be if you were 20’ tall!

This is just theoretical at the moment of course and it won’t be passed law until I’ve got it published in a leading science journal, but next time you’re out riding in the same group as Marek and Keith, just keep half an eye on who’s the happiest for me will you?

On a related point, when it rains, tall people get wet sooner than short people. And what about large breasted women, surely they get wind-chill before anyone else when a cold front moves in? But that’s another story…

[Andrew G]

I think I've spotted a flaw in your thesis Huw (yes you knew I'd reply first , I just happened to be updating the results).

The main flaw being that I'm not depressed at all and it would probably be safe to say I'd fall in to the short category. Another flaw being you're taller than me and hardly a deep mahogany tan compared to me, and I'm a ginger! .

Tall people are good for hiding behind in a potential fight situation and riding behind in to a head wind.

People spend a fortune trying to save weight on their bikes, yet compared to Marek I'm quids in on the weight saving just getting the frame off the shelf .

As for when it's raining, tall large breasted women are good for sheltering under when you're short.

Oh and if you need to ask if size matters then I'd suggest you already know the answer .

[Jon H]

Tall people have the advantage of being further away from other people's armpits and farts when travelling on crowded tubes.

But they do have to take particular care of the "mind your head" signs when going downstairs to the loo in curry houses.

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

At last, a scientific, balanced argument on the ACC forum.

Williams - youre' barking

[Marek]

We are all the same size when we are lying down, or in Andrews case, he is the same size as me once he is on a billiard table, I have the picture saved away for a rainy day Andrew.

Cheers

Marek.....

[Andrew G]