Le Tour Musings

[Rob Q]

What is it with the Luxembourgers? Telling us it’s Leo-parrhd – Trek, frankly (excuse the pun) it should Leotard Shleck and as for the over rated Frank and Andy show, they seem to be rather “schlective” in their patchy assessment of the TDF par cours.
 
Just like Brangelina represents a symbiotic but somewhat unhealthy or even incestuous celebrity relationship, Frandy seem to complain about wet down hills, up hill chaingate incidents, appalling time trialing skills as spurious reasons for NOT winning Grand Tour races. HTFU!
 
Me thinks Frandy would prefer Grand Tours slug fests to comprise of 21 stages, all with medium mountain top finishes in atypical Luxembourgish weather ie azure blue sunny skies, whilst making everyone else start with a 39 second deficit and/or dodgy rear derailleurs to even things up…that’s enough pro tour sour grapes to fill a classy Bordeaux vineyard or what?
 
Don’t get me wrong they are classy riders, but I suspect they might win more by being on separate teams, this “brotherly man love, we’re holding hands whilst climbing” concept is too metrosexual for many hardcore lycra fans. Having said that, I go on the public record and say I don’t mind oogling a mighty Qaud God like the Aryan blue eyed but toothy Norseman Thor Hushovd.
 
What a transformation, a top sprinter weighing a wattage sapping 82 kgs, now grinding out mountain stage wins ten years later?
 
It really is the Thor de France!
 
With the only other Norwegian in the Grand Boucle, Eddy Boassen hypen Hagen, the Vikings have steamrollered the Gallic contingent by a country kilometre. In stark numerical terms it looks like this:
 
43 Frogs, absolutement ne tres bien pas null points when it comes to stage victories
2 Vikings, 3 stage victories already………….go figure?
 
“Tant pis” as the French cruelly say….alors in zee Eurovision Song contest, we are better chanteurs….but we all remember those blonde Nordic new wave darlings……..A-ha and Morten Harket.  
 
If we are going to discuss the other low lying Benelux countries, the Belgians and the Dutch are having contrasting fortunes. Down Under, we might “Yell for Cadel”, in beer sodden Belgium, they Yell for Jelle and blondilocks Phil Gil, who are currently vying for the Maillot Pois (oui monsieur za Pea jersey, zer is no French word pour polka dot) and the Maillot Vert (green jersey) respectively.
 
I know we all like to have a dig at banks, the Danes have Saxobank filled with anonymous names supporting “I don’t eat beef” Bertie, and the usually loud and proud Dutch Orange Barmy Army have Rabobank, who don’t have that much to cheer about  post GFC or TDF so far.
 
Robert Gesink has sunk with out trace and Lars Boom has gone bust, mind you Laurens Ten Dam seems to like being in a Nip and Tuck episode…….with his scary mummy look after his face plant in Stage 14. Thankfully he is OK as is hard man and perennial Jens Voight.
 
BTW I hear Butlers is selling a number of good value ex Rabobank team Advanced SLs in patchy blood orange/red “paintwork”, having started life on the road and ended up passing the test as tough cyclo cross bikes.
 
Well as we go into the Queen stage with three HC climbs and the unusually short but brutal Alpe D’Huez stage, spare a thought for impish Tommy V “I have zero chance of winning the Tour”. The French just edit out the zero bit……et viola……HOPE and YES WE CAN platitudes suddenly spring to mind.
 
We wish him well and as the Oz nation waits with baited breath……….the only question on everyone’s mind is will cuddly Cadel, his delectable wife Chiara and cheeky dog, Milly do the Aussies proud?  
 
For the Garmin geeks, there is always the jaw dropping real time numbers from the riders SRM power meters to dream of:
 
http://data.srmlive.de/TDF/
 
HR of over 211, max speed in excess of 100km/hr and power outputs over 1800 watts to discuss over a beer/wine/piccolo.
 
Adieu et en y va!
 
 
 

[Amy]

Rob, just what are you on? I'm getting worried about you out there Downunder...

[Rob Q]

[quote="Amy"]Rob, just what are you on? I'm getting worried about you out there Downunder...

[Elliot M]

very good