A school teacher was arrested today at J.F.Kennedy Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, slide rule, set square and calculator.
At morning press conference, Attorney General John B. Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not name the man, who has been charged with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us" Ashcroft said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of axis of evil with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philander Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle"
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instructions, He would have given us more fingers and toes".
White House aids told reporters that they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.