What's the best clean joke ever?

[adrian]

[quote="Elliot M"]

what's brown and sticky?

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

A policeman stopped the other night as I was driving my car, tapped on the window and said

"Would you blow into this bag please?"

I asked "what for officer?"

He replied

"Because my chips are hot"

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

Or how about my favourite......

Man walks into a bar...................ouch

[Graham O]

Man walks into Doctors with a steering wheel down his trousers.

Doctor says - What seems to be the trouble sir ?

Man says - not sure, but this steering wheel is driving me nuts !!

[John the old'un]

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would
get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science and Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

[Andrew G]

Vicar driving home is weaving all over the road and gets stopped by the police.
Policeman says "Have you been drinking Sir?".
"Only water" replies the vicar.
Policeman: "What's that then?" pointing to an empty bottle of wine on the passenger seat.
Vicar replies "Oh, has he been at it again."

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

Continuing the blonde theme:

Blonde got sacked from Quality Control at M&M factory for rejecting all the ones with W on them

[Andrew G]

Thanks to Tim Vine:

- I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

- I rang up my local swimming baths. I said “Is that the local swimming baths?” He said “It depends where you're calling from."

[Tamar]

Oh well, if we're allowing blonde jokes....

After a climbing accident, 10 women are left hanging onto a rope dangling over the edge of a high cliff. There are 9 blondes and a brunette. The rope is beginning to fray and clearly can't hold them all. One of them must sacrifice themselves for the others to survive. After an interminable pause, where none of them can meet the others' eyes, the brunette speaks up, saying she will do it; she will sacrifice herself to save her flaxen sisters from certain doom. She continues to speak, giving a moving monologue about how much her friends mean to her, how much she will miss them, and how she is prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice for them. The emotional intensity of her speech is so great that the blondes all applaud.

(I had to explain why this was funny to a blonde friend of mine)

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

[Jon H]

Last time I went on holiday I flew with BA.

It was awful...














...he kept shouting "I ain't getting on no plane, fool"

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

OK then.....

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it"

[Mike I]

A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre. So the barman gives her one.

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

Guy goes into the doctor's.

"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside

"How's that?"

"Don't you start."

[Steve B]

I got a new job with the Samaritans last week. I tried to phone in sick this morning and b@stards talked me out of it!