Snot fair

[Marky Mark]

Snot the best topic to talk about in world. But it getting on my last nerve!

Is it only me or do all cyclists suffer a never ending supply of 'snot' while they are riding. I don't get it any other time and I don't have a cold.

I think I could ride much faster if I could also breath through my nose. and it's snot fair to clear ones hooter when you have company following closely behind on ones back wheel.

Is it just because you're leaning forward? Is is worth getting a spray?

Come on yee oldie experienced ones, help he out on this one please.

I was going to sign it off as Mr but thought I'd better snot.

[Sylv]

better not be behind mrpvt when he releases the snot ...

[Ivor]

you see those gloves..... and how soft absorbent and wipeable they look....

[Andrew G]

[quote]How To Snot Rocket
You cannot cycle correctly without this most important, life-altering skill! Read on…

snot rocket def: (n) the fast-flying mucous torpedo resulting from closing one nostril with

your fingers then forcefully blowing out the other.

Ex:

Cyclist #1: Man, that was an awesome snot rocket you launched back there!

Cyclist #2: Thanks, I was quite proud of that one.

*note: can also be used as a verb.
Related terms: “to snot” (v.i.) what happens in case of snot rocket failure

Ex: I just snot on myself.

OR what happens when a snot rocket is viciously aimed at someone

Ex: I think the guy on the other team just snot on me!

Did you just snot on me?
Just like riding in a peloton, the snot rocket is a skill that develops with practice. Many cyclists find their noses get all runny when on their bikes. This is normal! When you cycle, you take more air into your lungs. Your body needs to humidify this air first, so it secretes more moisture as mucous (aka snot) to do so. Ta dah! So don’t be embarrassed or worried or search the internet and diagnose yourself with “hyperactive noseitis”. Perhaps you have a cold, or allergies as well. Whatever the cause of your runny nose, the best thing to do to fix it—and one of the most fun perks to cycling besides sexy legs—is to launch an awesome snot rocket.
Step 1: How to Launch a Snot Rocket

If you’ve ever tried to sniff back your snot during your entire ride only to get light headed; if you’ve ever let your nose run all over your hands or your jersey; if you’ve ever tried to eat on your bike only to find that you can’t eat without snotting all over yourself at the same time…It’s time to learn how to snot rocket.
Press your fingers over one nostril, take a huge breath in through your mouth. Close your mouth. Angle your head a bit out to the side so you don’t end up snotting all over yourself again. Now exhale in one sharp, short blast, and watch the rocket launch. Repeat on the other side.
Do this before you ever try to eat something, if you’ve sniffed up your snot more than twice, or just for fun! But once you’ve attained the power of the snot rocket, it is important not to abuse it. Read on for important snot rocket etiquette.
Step 2: Snot Rocket Etiquette
When with your buddies:
You should probably establish a snot rocket code you all agree upon. If you are riding with some close friends, chances are you are all prime targets for each other’s mucous blasts. This is a great motivator to stay ahead of everyone else, or to practice your bicycle-handling skills and evasion tactics. It is also prime time for target practice. So have fun, but don’t go making any preemptive strikes unless you’re ready for some return fire.
When racing in the peloton:
Now is NOT the time to carelessly snot rocket. You can and should still launch your snot, but out of respect for your fellow racers, here are a few guidelines:

If you are at the back of the group, feel free to blow in whichever direction you like.
Move to the sides of the peloton and snot from there. (This is a bit limiting, as you can only easily do one side at a time—unless you teach your self the “double snot rocket”. This is a much more advanced skill, however, and you should first master the basic one.)
Practice and perfect snot rocketing down by your thigh. I’d say outer thigh, so you’ll have less of a chance of nailing your own leg. Because you’ve aimed down and launched so low to the ground, there is a very low possibility you will blast anyone with your bodily slime.
***ONLY TO BE USED IN EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES***
Sometimes, during periods of acute antagonism between teams, or between two riders, cyclists have been known to snot on each other. Just as they have been known to push each other, or clash on the sides, the snot rocket has its place as a competitive tactic. But just like when snotting on your friends, do NOT snot on your enemies unless you’re ready for the repercussions—and they could be worse than simply getting snotted back on, or having to buy your buddy a drink after your ride.
Step 3: Practice Practice Practice

The only way to perfect your snot rocket is to practice. There are no snot rocket hypno-therapy classes. Genetic predisposition to perfect snot rocket formation has not been documented. The best snot rocketers have been out there on the road for hundreds of hours building up their aim, air-speed velocity, viscosity, and snot rocket size. Whatever you do, DON’T GIVE UP! New cycling games with your buddies, peloton war tactics, and a much happier, sniffly-free ride with an un-snotted jersey/gloves/bike/shorts/shoes await you.

[Amy]

I will never ever forget seeing one of the old boys with one that stretched almost to the road - and when he stopped someone used their finger to bring it to his attention eeeeeuuuuuwwwww

[Dombo]

Very common problem, and also seems affected by handedness - eg I can snot rocket fine out the right nostril, (using left index finger, I'm left handed) whereas the left nostril leaves me looking like I've been attacked by snails.
The method can also be employed while walking in crowds, to create space.

[Ivor]

Never had much luck with the rocket, always tended to be a bit stringy and clingy, and whip back around in the wind so I've stuck to the gloves. as it were.
perhaps I should practice a bit.

[adrian]

We used to call it 'tubing' at school (tube [vi]: I tube, you tube, etc). One kid in particular was much feted for being able to bounce his tubes down the stairs

[Andrew G]

Tried a back-hander Dombo, still using the left index finger?
Never try and rocket to the wrong side in a side wind, results in added "wind-proofing" to your jersey.

I've found my level of conversation now .

[url]http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/snotrocket[/url]

[Marky Mark]

I now have tears running down my face. You lot really do make me laugh.
The was me thinking nobody would be able to comment on this sore point. Fan-bloody-tastic

I'm a boy in a mans body. I'm now after all these years not only being told that I can snot, but i'm being tought in great detail how to snot.

[img]http://www.twincitytc.org/Portals/0/Snot-Rocket.gif[/img]

[MJ_1993]

[quote="orv"]you see those gloves..... and how soft absorbent and wipeable they look....

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

Reminds me of the old joke....

"What's that green stripe on your left sleeve grandad?"

(action of placing forearm to left nostril and make sniffing noise)

"Don't know son"

[Marky Mark]

Nearlly as bad as pick it, lick it, roll it and flick it .

Thank you for all the advice. The aim is getting better now but the gloves are starting to harden.

[Del]

Hmm! Just managed to catch up with this thread.

I suffer from a runny nose quite often, especially after a cold when I always seem to get sinus trouble.

I think I perfected ANdrew's snot rocket technigue last Sunday while riding through the Surrey Hills. I managed to miss the rest of the guys every time!

Perhaps we could practice snot rocketing, combined with rotation, or maybe even a through and off down the dual carriageway? If we can get it together, I'd imagine we'd look like a mobile garden sprinkler?