Humour for lexophiles

[mrP(Boonen)VT]

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

4. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

5. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

6. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

7. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A

8. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

9. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

10. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

11. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

12. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

13. A will is a dead giveaway.

14. A backward poet writes inverse.

15. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

16. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

17. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in linoleum blownapart.

18. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

19. A calendar's days are numbered.

20. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

21. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

22. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

23. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

24. Acupuncture: a jab well done

[John the old'un]

Great one Paul.

[Marky Mark]

When is a door not a door????

[Andrew G]

When it's a jar.

[Marky Mark]

Mr G goes to the top of the class

[Mike I]

How do you get a duck to sing?

Put it in a microwave .... I'll tell you later.

[Mike I]

... until its bill withers.

[Snoop Doug]

Mike - I don't think your idea of later was long enough......you missed by several years methinks

[Sylv]

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